.:About Me:.

Losing bits and pieces...





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.: 4 As for A levels.
.: My grand piano!!!
.: A kimono.
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Dumb words--(smilies)

?Chibi Tsuzuki.

.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling mixed. ”もう、大丈夫だよ。。。”

Today is just the yearly Mrs Chio's concert. What do I have to blog about it? Losta.

I don't know. I feel strong. I am strong. But somehow, I just feel a tad insecure being on the piano myself to play for everyone. Is it insecurity that I am feeling? Or is it just sadness, because no one in the audience is applauding for me...? I can't tell anymore. For the past 3 years I've been and performed in the concert, none of my parents ever heard me play on a grand. The first year I've went, both were overseas. For the second year, both were in Singapore, but none bothered to go. And now when my mum finally made up her mind to go because she felt a little guilt in her heart, she spent so much time finding a parking lot she missed my performance...

I kept telling myself that it's all right, you know. But it just isn't right. For you to look around, seeing anxious parents filming and video taping kids playing songs, by unknown composers, which I can sight-read easily, while I, playing some big Sonata or Arabesque, by composers like Mozart and Debussy, only to earn a few claps by people you don't even know. Not that my playing is perfect - actually it's FAR from perfect - and I know I'm going to fail my grade 8, but at least be there and show your support. At least tell me that you're willing to give me 10 minutes of your time to listen to what I have to play for you. But no. You didn't give it to me. Neither am I giving it to you anymore. How many, just how many times have you raised my hopes on something, and then slowly and painfully shattered them. How many times, have I wished for something so dearly, that doesn't need much of money of time, but you didn't give it to me. It doesn't matter anymore. I've learnt that putting my trust onto something will only bring about loneliness and sorrow. That's why, I won't put my trust too much on anything anymore. Trust hurts me. Trust kills me. No, I don't want it anymore.

Andrew played the last song "Allegro Moderato" by Mozart. You said," the last boy was quite good right? Although he made a few mistakes here and there..." He played too fast, too many mistakes; and yet, you sung him praises. Is it because he's a guy? If you had spent just 10 minutes in ONE day, you would have heard me play it. But you never noticed my prescence at home. I know I'm partially at fault, that I don't call for you to hear me, or specially play for you, but it you had just opened your ears when you walked pass my door, you would have known, that I can play that song too. And will you then, sing me praises? I doubt...

On my way home on your car, have you noticed, I was tearing? You never did and never will. Why was I tearing anyway? Was I sad? Shouldn't be, since I have never really loved you to bits, or waited eagerly for you to attend something of me. I didn't want to cry anyway. I want to be strong and I will be. We were so physically close, and yet the psychological distance between us is unreachable. I pretended to fall asleep and faced the window, having the song Bravery repeated on my mp3 player. The sun was setting. Did you notice how pretty the sun contrasted with the blue-grey sky? Or how the circus clouds formed distinct angel wings above us? You didn't even spend time noticing me, and you will never know, how pretty the world can be. You never will.

I tried to reach out once. But you pushed these feelings aside, as if they were nonsensical. Now I'm afraid to reach out to you again. And I probably never will. Because you disappoint me again and again. Indeed, you gave me laughter, physical shelther and essentials... But you took things away more than you gave me.

For now, I'll just have to stand on my own. Give myself what you couldn't give. I'll learn to laugh when I'm sad, so that I won't ever understand the anguish you gave me. I'll learn to nod when I disagree, so that my logic will not interfere with how I judge things and I will not feel wronged anymore. Until one day...

I will not cry because of you anymore.

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Saturday, June 25, 2005 07:12 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling sentimental.

It suddenly hit me how much I miss my secondary school yet again. As I was watching the NYGZ concert just a few hours ago, I couldn't help but feel a burning urge to play with the ensemble again; and I can never forget, never ever forget, how much I've enjoyed with my ensemble, my team, my friends... Was it only yesterday that I last played? Well, it felt asif so.

Different images of the past flashed through my mind as the concert went on. The joy and laughter, the hatred and bitching, the fear and sadness, we all shared and lived on. And I sat and watch, thinking about how great it felt, to be on the stage and to play with a group you trust. The feeling... Words just can't describe. Applause echoing through the room as you gave your best performance, while a minute ago, wondering whether your next note will be wrong. Raining praises as the concert end when friends present their token of encouragement. Rythmic beats and tune of the melodious song you practiced so very hard for appreciated by the crowd shown by their sincere applause. I really, really miss them.

((Damn poodle keep smsing me and spoiling my writing mood!!))

I can't believe I was so foolish to wish for the CCA to end early, to skip practices, to go late, to do anything to miss it. Yeah, I do miss it all right. It was just... fun... Such simple word, yet emcompasses all that I need to say. Fun. Despite all the grudges and complains we gave to each other, I bet we all enjoyed our 4 years playing together. This is when I realised, it's not as easy to laugh at what we. laughed about last time, now. Often, we laugh when we remember our past tears, and cry when we remember our past laughter. It is really not easy to give up on our past joy to look for new laughter. Stubborn as I am, it's hard for me to step out of the comfort zone to find another sustitude for NYGZ. Nothing is possible to reanimate the scene with my pals.

Even if our last note was played, I know that we're still great teammates and friends. And I really desperately wish that our batch can once again own the stage and make another wonderful performance.

To our juniours out there, treasure every second on stage, because that's the greatest feeling you can get as a performer. An applause is all you need to satisfy yourself as you know the toils and trouble you've been through for the even one second on stage. And I hope you liked the small tokens your seniour prepared for you. :)

May NYGZ live forever!!

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Thursday, March 24, 2005 11:56 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling slackified... slackerized... slackered.

Well. I think I officially killed my blog. Haha. But I'm still blogging!! Lalala. Anyway, lately I've been reading my OG's blog here at Ke'rayzae Land bound to turn you in and flip you upside down. ;)

And I've became way too slack these days. Haha. Lokin/Ealing/Whatever said RJC was bad for me. PFFfffffTT. =/ I say Aus is bad for her and she ought to come back ASAP OR ELSE SHE WONT GET ANY W-INDS COOTIES, I mean.. GOODIES. xDDD

For those who're close to me should have known that I've shot myself, once again, for my new blog layout meant for GJ. Maybe I should change this layout too. Purple and black is nice but I need something fresh and yaoi. Now I'm procrastinating about my new blog layout(s). Sigh! And I have a new codename hallelujah. Hehe. <3.. Ok that's enough of hallelujah.

Might be going over Aus to look for Ealing soon. Wootttzz.. Go there and pluck lychees for hallelujah. JK. Not like hallelujah knows me. xDDD

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Wednesday, February 16, 2005 11:08 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling repentful.

Maybe my mum was right about being successful or non-chanlant to failures all the time that it really hurts to fall down once it hits you. Failure is probably what makes success sweeter. I dunnoe...

And my gastric still hurts.

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Monday, February 7, 2005 10:21 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling pissed and in pain.

I had gastric and was hospitalised yesterday. Now I'm feeling the pain because I was blowing my harmoc.

And guess what? I didn't make it to the SYF auditions even though I tried so hard that gas had generated in my stomach and is causing great pain to me.


I'm seriously damn pissed now. It's really unfair you know; just because I was sick over the weekends because of the gastric and I wasn't able to practise the harmoc, and I wasn't shortlisted. I wanna quit. Like now. Thinking about it makes me even more pissed. I'm definitely more qualified than most of the shortlisted ones - sightreading, dynamics, etc. Just because my scales wasn't as good because of my gastric problems that I got out. F**k.

The worst thing is that freaking harmoc costs a hundred and twenty. Freaking expensive piece of shit. I'm devoting my time to fencing and piano ensemble now. Screw the harmoc.

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Monday, February 7, 2005 07:06 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling non-chanlant...?

Heehee.. It's 15 more minutes to my boarding time on a flight to Shanghai and I'm still blogging in the lounge. I'm a baaaaaaaaaaaad girl. xD

Oh well, what can I say in 15mins? I hope this shopping cum slightly educational trip to Shanghai can get me more yaoi, more Tenipuri, more gothic stuff, more nice clothes, more.. crap. x3... Yay yay. And hopefully I do NOT fuss with my mom over there.

And yeah, I've got Ealing to play maplestory. Fun game, you people should try it one day. [Sinyee must be damn proud of me to say it because it was she who introduced this game to me.]

Tenipuri 162 chinese is just out WHEN I LEFT THE HOUSE. Damnit.. It's on BT downloading and hopefully no one shuts down my computer. I wanna watch!! Golden pair!! >_<


-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Friday, December 3, 2004 12:40 a.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling nauseous.

Just came back from Bintan trip with 40104. Damn fun!! Hah.. But I'm feeling like I'm still floating in the sea. Stupid moonson caused the boat to rock like earthquake. Bah.. I've just been promoted from Vice President of the Seasick club to the President. Poor Eunice, formally the President lar, is now the Vice President. Bah.. Having seasick is NOT fun. You vomited all the shit you eat, and I ate alot of shit. =x The food was nice, don't blame me. Hahaha..

Samantha and Debbo were so super excited. They're so high high high all the way lor. They even look like sisters, somewhat.

AND I STILL FEEL LIKE VOMITING!!! *&(#%@^%&*%^!! @_@

Ok anyway, we went to the beach first thing we reached the bungalow. Nobody was there because it was red flag. BAhhh~~ who cares, we have the whole darn beach to ourselves. We tried to make a seawall, which sustained a while, but screw it.. No sand can make a seawall. xD And beach volleyball is damn hard! Especially when you slide and cause a hole in the ground, and when you accidentally slid into the hole causing a slight sprain in the ankle. =/ Then we were kinda playing with the sea water although it's redflag and we aren't suppose to. Oh well.. I made sure I'm not tanned while like so many of them wore bikini to suntan. O_O

Then actually we wanted to play Lazer Quest, but we end up learning how to drive a buggy (Yay! I'm a qualified driver!!) instead. Haha.. We had a real slendid dinner. Eheh. Diet.. Opps.

Full liao.. Some of us walked back while some rode the buggy. Err.. I had to guide them back so I walked. It's quite scary sometimes you know.

Some started the mahjong marathon, others played in the swimming pool. At first I was winning like hell, then I began losing. Stupid shari got so much luck lor!! Zzzzzz.. On and off we did something else like playing murderer in the dark. Trust me, I was so hella against the idea because I was facing the mirror AND the windows and it was freaky 2-3am in the morning when outside has some shadowy lights. But I pulled it through. Debbie, Sam, Eunice, Kohyu, Jieying, FelSong they all decided to tell ghost stories. Ewww.. Back to mahjong is better.

And Shari's winning streak in mahjong began. Hah.. Although they're times she lost. I think she's addicted to mahjong. =x

Yueting and Feltan were so damn farnie lor. They had a hypothesis that the more "hua" you have, the higher change you have of winning. This made Kohyu, Shari and me laugh until we couldn't move. Both of them are so comical. The loser have to face Yishu to sleep. Poor Yishu lor. xD I think she's like the worse victim. Lalala.. But she doesn't mind right?

At first, I wanted to have a tong xiao mahjong marathorn. Gave up le lar.. I mean, it's so sian when you know there's a person with luck a million folds better than yours. So I decided to sleep. But Shari doesn't allow me to sleep!! She was like slapping me awake cause I'm suppose to be her lucky charm and energy provider. -_-|l|.. But I sneaked upstairs to sleep at around 5-6am. Lalala..

And so I woke up at 10am to find that our dear Shari has just won with 13 yao and 7 pairs [Hongkong style]. Bah. =/.. What's more I didn't win a single freaking game on the second day. *stares at her mahjong set* It hates me. o(;O;)o.. All my tiles were so lousy it's a miracle I came close to winning. Kohyu can be my witness!! >_<

Sam and company decided to jump into the pool again. So fun meh?!?! o_O Haha. Then it's time to go home liao. Boohoo. =(

But before that we went to OlehOleh for shopping. Only I shopped for clothes lor. *guilty guilty*. But nevermind lar.. I can be their frequent patron. Hehe. Then we went kelong to makan lunch. Eunice said she wants to own an island like the one we saw and Debbie wants to own the whole Bintan. Jiayou bah both of you. Well, my theory is that, since I'm gonna go on board and puke, must as well eat all the delicious stuff first before I puke them out. I don't get to put on the fats too. Hah! xD Dumb idea.. I'm still feeling damn sick now even though it's been like 2-3hrs after the boat ride back to Singapore. Pfft... After lunch we went to look at another bungalow before going to the jetty. My mum said if I get 9 A1s the whole class can stay at the more exclusive bungalow. Two words: FAT HOPE. xD Because it's all over and my combine humanities and english will NEVER get a1. HAH! Save $$ for me you know?! xD Jkjk. Lalala.. And all of them were staring at me. o_ou..

Then very fast de, it's time to head back home. Sam was so sian because none of us wanna get back, seriously. It's heavens there. We didn't get to utulise the facilities properly too. *sigh*. Anyway, we all had fun lar, right? =D Heh.. And wth.. I puked and puked on board and dear Shari sitting beside me have to endure the sounds I was making. Hahaha.. I was the poorer thingy though. x_x. Sam and Debbie were like," So not fun one!! No turbulence!!" Wanna box them sia..

*lost her appetite to eat dinner*

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Monday, November 22, 2004 06:49 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling lazy.

Os are over. I still feel sad. Ok, stop my rambling about my past here.

Since I'm lazy now I shall keep it short. Yep, my fanlisting icons are not working, but I'll keep them there until I've found a suitable site for uploading of pictures.

And I can't wait for the Bintan trip tomorrow later!

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Sunday, November 21, 2004 12:15 a.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling elated.

My Zen Touch is here!! My Zen Touch!! Lalalalaaaa~~~~!! Ahh crap, my dad say I can't play with it until after my O levels but still..

My Zen Touch isss heeerrreee!!! LALALALAAA..

Today's Geog and Physics were being assholes btw. =__="

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Wednesday, November 17, 2004 07:18 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling depressed.

Something's wrong with me. Only 4 more days to the end of hell and yet I'm feeling down. I ought to be feeling more excited about things...

4 more days to the end of using NYGH S3-01, 4 more days before I can write the last word on the white board, 4 more days to see the stars on our notice board, 4 more days as a student of NYGH, 4 more days to rush through my secondary school work, 4 more days to frenzy about the questions, 4 more days to teach or be taught by nanyang people, 4 more days before we break into tears of joy and sadness, 4 more days as a secondary student, 4 more days with 40104 [model class!!! ]...
That's probably why.


-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Monday, November 15, 2004 05:49 p.m..


.:Tezuka plushie is currently feeling irritated.

The entry of...

... the Tezuka plushie.

As I woke up, I found myself in an all girls' school. It felt weird surrounded by girls and having to be brought around to be shown to others. The girl who was holding me kept asking others whether I was cute. I don't want to be called cute. Everybody just kept staring at me... Girls really have a weird obsession with cute things.

That wasn't the nightmare, just yet.

One girl called Sam Tan stared at my shoes and flung me upside down. I would have made her run 100 laps if I wasn't a plushie. She even banged my head against the wall. Incorrigible violent girl. The one who brought me to school kept yelling at Sam but she refused to listen. Then there was another girl called Yishu. For some reason, she kept bonking my head thinking it's fun - and I didn't wrong her in any way, why did she do it?

Shawna, who I saw was holding Prince of Tennis book 1, fought with the girl who brought me to school, almost ripping me apart. *checks arm* I think I need to go for a checkup again. Refusing to let go, another seemingly PoT fan, Eunice if I've not mistaken, kept hugging me saying that I'm hers.

Of course, like I said, girls are weird. First, they called me cute. Second, the keep poking my cheeks. Third, they like to hug me so tightly that my face presses against their stomach and I can't breathe.

Then I was called a monkey by their chinese teacher. I'm beginning to reflect about my self identity. (Although true enough many people in the class protested against the teacher.)

It was finally the end of school. "The girl" took a bus ride home with her friend, and they started talking about how PoT characters fit into KotC; and alot of people were still staring at me. MyFuji was said to be the perfect role for Lesage while Akutsu is compared with crawford. The friend commented that I'm too normall abnormally perfect to be in the novel. I take it as a compliment.

I got rather sick of being carried around like a baby you know... After getting down the bus, I was made to carry this pink white bottle drink *seen in the picture* and it made my body wet. Ugh. "The girl" bought it because it looked good (and she complained that it tastes horrible). Obviously she needs to learn how to save money.

Well, if I could, I would have made the school run 100 laps.

End of Tezuka plushie entry.

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Monday, October 11, 2004 04:48 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling nostalgic.

I can't believe it... I'm leaving school...


It's like... The first day I was in Nanyang was just yesterday. That kinda feeling hurts big time!! Why's the 4 years so fast?!?! WHY?!?! *thinking about the first time she stepped into Nanyang as a student* Sigh...

I daresay that the uppersecondary life of Nanyang is the best of my lifetime bah. I've never been able to be so high before, neither have I been able to slack so much, nor find friends or classmates who can stand my childish-ness.This's gonna be damn weird but I'm still saying it: I'll miss Nanyang!! Especially my friends and classmates and CCA mates and the teachers and the classrooms and the toilets and the labs and the homework and the canteen food and the vendors and the Popular bookstore and the general office and the heritage corner and the quadrangle and the events and all the fun.

Aw geez that was corny.. *shivers* But I guess I really will miss them.

Sometimes I wonder why must we part nyaaaa~~ Why?! I'm so happy the way I am, I afraid to change.. Kinda.. (NO I'M NO KINGSHAW). Hey.. I can't really find anyone who can stand my funky dress sense, weird temper, lousy english, ego, my childishness, my weird taste for guy couples except my friends who are so used to me that they ignore me. '_'.

I also miss my last performance with my CCA mates. The feeling of performing on stage is really great. Especially when there's an audience and when you know someone there will eventually appreciate your effort. Love NYGZ lots man.. They rule.. More than that LZL

What's worse is alot of my friends are going overseas to study. That ealing must be running away from me cause she's scared! HAH! And alot of them don't wanna go to my dream school!! Why like that?! Hannyannn!! o(><)o!!

And so the writer is starting to wonder what's life in JC... Who she will meet... And how's life going to turn out... Which CCA will she join... What kinda shit she'll end up with her language again...

It's just so weird to leave school. So so so weird. When finally you're the most senior student in school and order the juniors around.. Muahaha.. JK!

Is currently feeling:


Rock on 40104 Nyghers.
Nanyang~ Fight-o! Fight-o! Fight-o!

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Wednesday, October 6, 2004 10:02 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling VERY TIRED.

I can't believe my mum is actually torturing me with this. I CANNOT STAND HER!! Mind you, it's not hate... It's just -cannot stand-.

I'm just so tired because of ALL the things she planned. Nice job in killing your daughter, mum. =/

I just hate it when she touches me, smiles so unnaturally, and whatever it is, when I try to avoid her... She JUST KEEPS STOPPING ME~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!

Take for example, I wanted to go back to the hotel for the night. BUT she INSISTS on ME STAYING WITH HER, IN HER DAMN HOSTEL, and that makes me pissed off. It's so bloody uncomfortable to stay here, in her hostel, and yet she's making me do that.

Oh btw, did I ever mention her questions are all trick questions?:

"Mei, do you want to stay with me tonight?" she asked.

"No, I wanna go back to the hotel."

"You mean your comfort is more important than being with your parents?"



Ah damn... I'm getting pissed. Better sleep first before I get even worse and explode.

Hmm.. She even said," God will understand that parents are the most important thing." (Cause I told her my bible is in the hotel) FRIST, SHE'S WRONG. GOD IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. SECOND, I REALLY -DISLIKE- BEING AROUND HER.

I swear I wouldn't be so mean to my daughter next time.

Crap.. I better sleep now. =/

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Wednesday, May 26, 2004 10:47 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling full *burp*.

Gyahaha. I'm blogging in US. WAhaha.

It's suppose to be summer here but it's about 13 degree C now. Ohhhh boy~ I only brought 1 long sleeve and 3 short sleeves for the week. Freezing to death is not a nice way to die. =(

And I'm bloggin on my mum's computer in this business school. SIGH. All the weird and friendly business man/woman are outside the room in the common hall. CT feels weird.

Talking about weird, CT just experienced the worse 3 hrs of her life. Motion sickness on aircraft. That sucks big time. ~~"... I feel like puking for the last 3 hrs while flying across the atlantic ocean from Frankfurt to Boston. Tralala. What's more is that I'm sitting in the business class cabin of Luthansa airlines. Sigh. Imagine one small little asian girl admist the whole cabin of angmohs, face all green and ready to puke. *__*"

Fortunately, the gentleman beside me was very kind. He could see I was very sick, provided me tissue and gave me motion sickness bag. WAhaha.

I truly hate HATE travelling.

Somemore hor.. CT was seen as an UM (unaccompanied minor), escorted here and there. ~_~"... At the Frankfurt airport, CT was interrogated like don't-know-what-like-that. ZzzzzzzzzzzZzzzz.. Because it seemed that many inland China immigrants make a fake Singaporean passport (because no Visa is needed) to enter American and stay as illegal immigrant.


And they were so unfriendly to me somemore... T^T.. *sobz*

This is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar worse than anything I've experienced man.

I'm NEVER gonna travel to america in the near future if I have the choice. *sighz*.

I wanna get this over and done with ASAP.

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Monday, May 24, 2004 10:36 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling very worn out.

Thousand apologizes for not updating my blog. *Hit me if you want, al, touda and dracci.* =D

Siiigghh.. New year liao. I can't believe I'm ONE YEAR OLDER. ;__; I don't wanna grow old. But then again...

I've added a "goal" section on my side bar. Hmmm, I don't know whether it's working right, because I can't see my updated blog. =="

*Yet another sigh* I can't find my photoshop CD = no pictures = Shanghai Rambling not now. You have to waiiiiit. =P

My teachers this year are:
Mrs Sandra Lee for english. I AM SOOOOOOO DEAD (cause I sucked badly in english).
Ms Tay Soo Eng for HCL and my co-form teacher!! YAY!!! XDDDDDD!!!!! Favourite teacher as form teacher!!!
Mrs Linda Chang as Maths teacher!! YES!!!
Potato Chan for Physics!! YEAHHHHHH!! GOOD TEACHERS!!!
Mrs Susan Chew for Chemistry!!! LAAAAAA!!! X)!
Mrs Vivien Chan for Geography! Same same! =)
Mr Adrain Chan for Literature! He really got to stop giving us snacks during class... I'm growing to fat. XD! And his wedding pictures were so nice. Awwwww..
Ms (*for safe keeping, the name is censored*) for Social Studies and co form. <- Bloody *insult random vulgarity here*. You know what she said? She said that the standards in Nanyang, for social studies is so lousy, and she "never seen such bad scripts before". Her neighbourhood schools were much better and she "never experience such bad behaviour" in her previous schools. Shit her lar... ==" I mean, you compare us with neighbourhood schools, still ok lar... But to say our school is the worst schools of all, abit the **** right? Sighh...

But I'm still thankful for all the splendid teachers. Maybe the admin in my school actually found out how mistreated we were in sec 3 *cough*bimbobitch*cough*.

That's all for today. I'm gonna do my homework. X|...

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Thursday, January 8, 2004 09:27 p.m..


.:Chibi Tsuzuki is currently feeling procrastinative.

New blog layout. Splendid isn't it? XD~~~

Sigh... Guzheng exams are coming and I'm still not practising. *Shrugs*

I'll start my journal on the Shanghai trip in the next post. =) Looking forward to my rambling!

-- The Kunochi has just stabbed herself at Wednesday, November 26, 2003 02:52 p.m..